Arena Football Sucks

I’m Catholic and 28. This is problematic on a variety of levels. Catholicism requires me to believe in transubstantiation, to yearly confess my wrongdoings to an aging foreigner at best an alcoholic, to waste two hours of my Christmas not drinking, and to give something up every spring for Lent. The problem with the last one is, as stated previously, I’m 28. Most of my bad habits are still just that, habits. I’m not yet to the point where something like smoking goes from occasional dalliance to addiction. So for Lent this year I decided I’d do what an Eighth Grade teacher once suggested. Instead of giving something up I’d be taking something on. My choice? I’d watch as much Catholic College basketball as I could. Anybody feeling this decision was morally dubious has clearly not seen Loyola Marymount play this year. But if eight weeks of watching Gonzaga blowout the Pepperdine’s of the world wasn’t penance enough I’ve been subjected to something even more ascetic, the horror that is the Arena Football League Game going long.

I should probably like Arena Football. My Dad’s a professor at Sacramento State and that school is a fucking pipeline for their players. I have no problem with September SMU-Oregon State games. And the Stockton Lightning of Arena Football League 2 (this exists!) are the closest the Central Valley comes to Pro Football. There’s only one problem. Arena Football sucks. It sucks hard. It really fucking sucks. I know it has fans. But so what? So does Rush. Unsurprisingly they overlap. I just don’t see the point. Pro Football has rosters the size of some Southern California suburbs. Why do I want to spend three hours watching “athletes” who couldn’t crack those? And that’s the worst part. Arena Football is long. It seems to have decided to take the most boring part of College Basketball, the incessant timeouts, and combined it with the most boring part of Professional Football, clock management. I realize missing the first five minutes of a predetermined Boston College-North Carolina game isn’t the end of the earth. I realize that my gay brother’s dick knows more about basketball than the dynamic duo of Stephen Bardo and Terry Gannon. But that doesn’t mean I have to be subjected to crowd shots of Larry the Cable Guy’s less self respecting brother Harry the Cable Guy cheering on the Grand Rapids Rampage. It would have been easier to give up drinking…ok not really…

2 Responses to Arena Football Sucks

  1. Torrero says:

    No WCC tournament coverage? Disappointing.

  2. pyramidofexcess says:

    Sorry, we picked a bad time to go to Hawaii (My wife assured me the Maui Classic was in March.) Not to worry, new WCC content coming today.

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